I’m a white female who was born overseas in England because my dad was in the military. Both of my parents are college educated, and brought me up in a Christian household. I’m a native English speaker who took 7 years of Spanish, yet I still struggle to make a full conversation as I don’t regularly practice. I have 7 tattoos, and love travelling. I’ve had many waitressing/retail jobs since high school, and have always worked customer service including the public utility job I’m working now. I’ve lived in a small town in southern Idaho for most of my life, but have spent time living in big cities like Philadelphia and San Francisco. I’ve studied Biology and Social Work in college, and I love to cook and eat international foods.
Why am I even bothering to say all of this? During a period of self reflection, I’ve realized that these are all the discourses I’ve learned and am a part of. A huge part of becoming self-aware is to understand what shapes the way you think and the lenses through which you view the world. I spent some time reflecting, and from this, I’ve learned a lot about myself. From the time I was born, some of these discourses were instilled in me by the way I was raised. Military terminology and British slang were normal. Flipping through picture albums full of Europe and the Middle East were a family gathering past time, and the Bible on the nightstand was read before bed. There was always a push to do well in school because both of my parents expected I follow in their footsteps. Those things were always there, and I developed even more discourses as I’ve grown. Food service lingo is quite fun and like second nature to me. It’s quite natural for me to say, “Table 14, seat 3 is griping that her steak is too well. Fire another mid-rare and I’ll comp half of it. And make sure it’s on the fly so they don’t stiff me!” Many weekends were spent shouting things like this in a commercial kitchen. A lot of what I learned by working in a kitchen shaped how I view people and how I should treat others.
Living in the big city versus being in a small town has shaped a lot of the way I act and think as well. The way people dress, act and talk is so much different; blending in is absolutely imperative to your safety in the big city. When I visited Idaho during my breaks, I had to learn that some fashion was not acceptable like it was in California, and I didn’t always have to walk so quickly everywhere. I’ve also lived among many different languages and races, and have experienced true authentic ethnic food from international hopefuls carving up their own American dream. I’ve had some amazing experiences in my short life that have taught me a lot. These are all discourses I’m proud of. But there is one discourse I’m heavily versed in, but am not particularly loud about. I struggle at times with feeling ashamed versus feeling open-minded about my involvement in it. I flip-flop emotionally because I feel there is a difference between youthfulness and immaturity, and that line is easily blurred. Sometimes I wonder if my involvement is just my version of escaping from reality or if I’m truly being open-minded about another culture. I have one discourse that has defined the past year of my life that I struggle to share with others until this very moment. That is the world of K-pop.
Korean pop, or K-pop, has been popular in Asia since the early 90’s and really took root in the early 2000’s. Similar to N*Sync, Backstreet Boys and The Spice Girls, boybands and girl groups were formed where members took on stage names, persona’s and a style that was unique to them. Western influence weighed heavily on the sounds that came out of these K-groups; punk rock, rap and electro-pop tunes were common. Meticulously choreographed routines and extreme fashion statements made K-pop stand out to the world and shot many groups into the international spotlight in the early 2000’s. “Gangnam Style” by PSY reached international fame in 2012, and I wasn’t even aware of its charm then. I had seen a few videos that I thought were weird, but still watched out of curiosity. I didn’t really enjoy it until my K-pop birthday, December 31st, 2017.
BTS, short for Bangtan Boys, performed during Ryan Seacrest’s hosting of Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in Los Angeles. I had never heard of them before, but their sound was catchy and fresh, even thought the language was different. I was instantly hooked, scouring the internet for who this group even was. I found the song they performed on the show, and it was all downhill from there. It became almost an obsession. Their fashion was edgy, their music was something to dance to, and there was always a story to tell. Their music videos were showy and they seemed to be good at everything they did. True, wholesome talent is what they were, and that’s why they are called “idols.” They truly are idolized around the world.
They start the long process by becoming an idol trainee as early as 10 or 11. They leave home, live at their signed agency and spend all of their time in vocal training, dancing and creating stage presence. They learn 2 or 3 new languages, learn how to speak on stage and travel to different countries. During pre-debut, they go through a rigorous process of trying to create a fan base, and if they fail to impress their agencies and the public, they don’t actually become a legitimate group, or in K-pop terms, won’t debut. Even after all of the hard work and time away from home, there still is the chance they may never get the spotlight. That’s why it seemed they were good at everything; that’s because they are good at everything. How do we fans get to judge that? They spend 90% of their time on camera; filming themselves or being filmed. They are on gameshows, talk shows, Insta Live, V-Live (which is a Korean app used for groups to communicate with fans) and even the apps created for their fandoms. They are acting in movies, K-dramas (day time shows), and variety shows. They are everywhere and so are the fans; fans of all groups, communicating with each other. Online forums on Tumblr, Instagram, Weibo, and V-Live opened up a whole new world for me.
“My bias is so handsome. But like, this other one, from this other group, keeps bias wrecking me. It’s like I’m cheating on EXO, and if EXO-L’s even knew they’d feel betrayed. It’s hard being multi-fandom nowadays.” This is not an uncommon thing to hear when partaking in and learning the K-pop fan discourse. There are daily postings on social media fan pages that are quite similar to the aforementioned quote. Alluding to the example, EXO is a K-pop boy group out of South Korea, who have been entertaining Asia, Mexico and parts of the US for 7 years. They have 2 sub units, or mini groups, called EXO-M (Mandarin speakers) and EXO-K (Korean speakers). Their fandom, or group of followers, are called EXO-L’s. They received that name because they are the binding between EXO-K and EXO-M (K-L-M, get it?), and their mantra is “WE ARE ONE”. All of these pieces make up the greater group of EXO. There are 9 total members currently who range in ages between 24 to 29: Suho (leader), Xiumin, Lay, Chen, D.O., Chanyeol, Kai, Baekhyun and Sehun (maknae, aka youngest member.) If you like a particular member, it’s called having a “bias.” If you have a bias-wrecker, then you have someone who steals your attention away from your main bias. If you stan someone, that means you really enjoy them or for some it means they “love” a group or individual. It’s normally unacceptable to solo-stan (like only one person in a group and no one else) because groups are viewed as a whole unit. Being multi-fandom means that you stan multiple groups and would be willing to admit you are a part of multiple fan groups. In K-pop terms, I personally would say, “I stan EXO. I’m a dedicated EXO-L. My bias is Suho but my bias-wrecker is Wonho.” If I were saying it to my uninvolved friends, I would simply say, “EXO is my fave. Suho’s cute, but Wonho from Monsta X is pretty okay too.”
This type of multi-fandom can start fan wars, however. Fan wars are a big deal, much like sports team fans who have deep-seated rivalries. BTS’s Army and EXO’s EXO-L’s are frequently subjecting themselves to these conflicts. BTS and EXO debuted around the same time, and have equally received attention around the globe. Due to the tension of who they think is the better group, Army and EXO-L’s bicker often. Some are so involved that they sabotage performances of the rival group, or will buy tickets to the rivals’ concert and throw them away (crazy, right?) This is the part I stay away from, the part that feels the most immature. Being an international fan is hard enough as there is a language barrier and concerts not frequenting this way, so any negativity is not needed or paid attention to.
There is not a ton of negativity in the fandom outside of the fan wars, thankfully, but there is such a dedication to groups, however, that it becomes obsessive. There are fan pages who have amassed 100K plus followers by posting every update they have on their favored idol. They “ship” idols together, or create relationships between them and put up pictures/create stories of the particular idols together. Some spend time promoting streaming of music videos as social media plays a huge part in awards shows in Asia. Other fans dedicate their time to selling merchandise; albums, group light sticks (wands that differ in design that are meant to be used at concerts), concert DVD’s, dolls, sweatshirts, stickers, photo cards and posters are just a few of the things you can purchase at your pleasure. Most products are from Korea, but can be shipped from as far away as Indonesia and even Iraq. Then there are the most extreme fans, who aren’t even referred to as fans either; they are sasaengs (pronounced sah-sangs). They stalk idols, find and sell their phone numbers, and even try to hurt other idols who they feel might be a threat to their bias’s success. They are generally disliked in the fandoms and will be publicly shamed if found out by “true” and “loyal” fans.
Generally, and thankfully, the fan groups are supportive, funny and informative. They spend their time drooling over the latest fashion choices or “visuals” of their biases. They use language like, “feeling attacked” and “RUDE” when they approve of a certain look. They use the ever gag-worthy “UWU” (pronounced oo-woo)when they think something is cute. I was scrolling through some Instagram posts when I saw a fan page “UWU-ing” over an idol’s interaction with a child. Come to find out that it’s apparently the shape your face makes when you’re viewing something cute. Finger hearts are a common hand gesture and fans ask for aegyo (egg-yo) from idols constantly, which is nothing more than baby talk. If an idol comes across as spacey, they are “4-D” and if their onstage persona is completely different from their actual personality, they have “duality.”
This discourse is different from any other that I’ve had. I don’t find myself interacting with the fandom often or using a lot of the lingo, but I do understand it because it is a particular discourse you have to understand if you want to be a “true fan.” It involves being multi-lingual, cross-cultural, and being heavily involved in social media. Even though I mainly just listen to the music, being a fan of K-pop has expanded my knowledge of Korean culture and has pushed me to learn some of the language. I even enjoy a nice Korean restaurant called K-Fusion in downtown Boise which has some killer Bulgogi (worth trying!) Among the other discourses I partake in, I certainly find a weird enjoyment of it, and don’t plan on making any major changes anytime soon. Even if it’s an odd way to escape reality, it definitely is never boring. If you ever want to get the word on the street in Seoul, just type in “K-pop” in your search bar and you’ll get more than you ever asked for. Annyeonghaseyo!
wa/o/nder 
